At first we were like, “Good gracious, Nelly’s music festival is bodacious!”
Nelly’s first ever “Hot in Herre” music festival was announced this week and the lineup is stacked with classic acts. Artists confirmed to perform include Ne-Yo, Akon, T.I., Fat Joe, Rick Ross, Ja Rule, Chingy and Keri Hilson.
Like, okay, it was a lineup of all dudes and so you added on Hilson so it wouldn’t be strictly a testicle festival, huh? We weren’t even gonna hate on you for that, Nelly. We noticed, but we wouldn’t dog you over it too much. (Maybe.)
But then we saw that the Hot In Herre festival was going to be held in Toronto.
Toronto in CANADA.
WTF, Nelly? We thought you were from the Lou and you were proud? You know St. Louis would’ve showed up for this (especially with Chingy on board) but you packed up your two purr of Air Force 1s and went to Canada.
Since you’re apparently Canadian now, we’ll put it in words you can understand: What’s this all a boot? What does Toronto have that we don’t, eh? (Aside from universal health care, fantastic hockey and reasonable gun laws?)
And how in the heck is it going to be hot in herre in Toronto? It’s freezing up there. On June 24th you’re gonna be wearing a jacket while performing in Canada and we’ll be here in St. Louis dripping sweat on each other in the club and looking for the right time to flash them keys. You know, as God intended.
This is disgraceful, Nelly. You’re a poutine-eating, maple syrup-slurping, meat pie-munching traitor. You know the rule: If you don’t ride wit St. Louis, St. Louis doesn’t ride wit you.
Take that Band-aid off of your face. You’re going to have to come back here and earn it